Ask Yelp Eat24: Advice for Tater Tot Lovers

askeat24_pizza_heart

Send us your questions about love, life, and pizza toppings. We’ll draw diagrams if necessary.

 

Dear Yelp Eat24,

My girlfriend is acting distant lately. When I ask if she wants to order chicken tikka masala she says “Uh, sure.” When I ask if she wants to order chow mein she says “Yeah, whatever.” When I ask if she wants to order cheeseburgers she says, “I don’t care.”

I’m starting to think she’s already eaten dinner…maybe with someone else. What do you think?

Please advise,

Confused And Really Beginning to Sulk

sushicheater
Is she cheating on you? Learn to smell the signs

Dear CARBS,

It’s possible your girlfriend is eating dinner with someone else, but it’s also possible she’s stuck in a delivery loop. Not to be creepy, but we checked your order history and confirmed it. Did you know you’ve never ordered anything besides chicken tikka masala, chow mein, or cheeseburgers?

bearboring
Oh-Em-Gee

So, here’s what you need to do to save your relationship: Go home tonight and tell your girlfriend you’re feeling wild. Tell her you want to eat atomic wings with her. Let her know you’re open to the possibility of pho. Say you’d also be willing to experiment with chocolate cheesecake.

Wings are an exact science.

If she says all that sounds delicious, great! If she still says “Whatever,” break up with her and invite us over for dinner because that sounds like an amazing meal.

Love,
Yelp Eat24

 

Dear Yelp Eat24,

My husband used to wear nice clothes and put effort into his appearance. Lately though, he comes home from work and immediately gets into his pajamas. To be honest, it makes him look like a slob. How do I encourage him to dress nicer?

Love,
Totally Against Casual Outfits

puppypj
#OOTD

Dear TACO,

We don’t normally do this, but we need to respectfully disagree with you. Pajamas are great and we are completely confident your husband looks sharp in his post-work wardrobe.

However, we know you need help, so here’s what we suggest: Buy your husband pizza pajamas.

pizzapjs

Pizza pajamas combine the comfort of pajamas with the sexiness of pizza. Plus, if you guys are eating pizza and he spills, you won’t even be able to tell. Win-win!

Love,
Yelp Eat24

 

Dear Yelp Eat24,

I’ve been dating someone for a few months and want to end it. I’ve tried everything I can think of to get them to break up with me but nothing works. I’ve never actually broken up with someone before so I don’t know what to do. Help!

Thanks,
Waiting And Stressing, Asking for Better Ideas

fbbreakup

Dear WASABI,

Ending relationships can be hard. First, there’s the decision about what to say (“It’s not you, it’s my desire to marry an egg roll.”), how to say it (in-person, via text message, with a bottle of Sriracha in their car), and when to do it (breakfast, lunch, dinner, second dinner). The important thing is to be gentle but firm, and above all, make sure you get the leftover pizza on your way out.

Good luck!
Love,
Yelp Eat24

 

Have questions you want answered? To paraphrase JLo, our advice don’t cost a thing. Hit us up on Twitter or leave a comment below. Missed the last few Ask Eat24 columns? Check them out here and here.

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3 thoughts on “Ask Yelp Eat24: Advice for Tater Tot Lovers”

  1. Trying to pull just one issue to write in with, but they’re all stuffed so tightly that when I try to yoink* one out I risk all of them flying everywhere.
    * every other word that I could’ve used in place of yoink brought to mind images of 💩.

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